So this is my first blog, and my first blog post. If anyone is reading this yet it will get interesting soon I promise!
I have been meaning to start a blog for sometime now, but never really found the time to do so before, however that all changed last week when my job working in the wine industry came to an end, which on a more positive note means I now have plenty of free time, and many many bottles of wine I took home to get through!
I have been looking for a new job, but through a combination of under-qualification, over-qualification, and simple self sabotage (more on that later) I have had a pretty unsuccessful week. But again, the positive is that I have found more time to work on the book I’m writing, and the more interesting things in life, like the World Cup, and the more distracting things in life like YouTube’s black hole of time sucking, unproductive, guilt inducing, yet strangely mesmeric, and sometimes hilarious, cat videos. But much like YouTube I digress.
Back to the subject of my first blog post, and why I choose to write, I have always enjoyed writing, hell I started my first book when I was eight years old, although I am sad to say my first novel entitled “Horseland” never made it past the first few chapters. Which is a shame as I remember spending hours brainstorming character names, and happily introducing elves and trolls and such creatures while worrying whether Tolkien would sue me for stealing his intellectual property. If anyone who knows me is reading, that last anecdote should put your minds at ease, that yes, I have always been one cynical little kid. I can also confirm having a long lasting deep distrust for all things spiritual and religious, displayed here at an early age in the map doodle of my eight year old selves novel, where you can clearly see that the “church lands” are completely surrounded by wastelands:
Yup, my book characters gave that religious stuff a wide birth, but enough reminiscing about the metaphysical nature of ‘Horseland’.
As I was saying before I started rambling of on a tangent, I am explaining why I started this blog. I started this blog because I felt I needed a medium in which to express myself, I think about many things, and rarely find someone with the attention span required to sit through my more particular conversations, so I hope I finally found a medium to express myself.
My job search of the past two weeks really put into perspective for me the things I care about, or what motivate me in life. Oh I’m sure I can find a job if I really set my mind to it, but for me the idea of finding a job just for the sake of finding a job holds little interest. Sure I like money, just like anyone else. But working for it? I wouldn’t say I’m lazy, far from it, but I get bored easily and ultimately lose interest if things aren’t challenging enough. And being at an age where I have to find entry level roles usually means choosing between roles flipping coffee and making copies, or working in customer service. Recruitment Agencies keep offering me roles in customer service, its unbelievably frustrating. I won’t argue that I’m not amazing at dealing with people in this capacity, but that’s because I hate people. Customer service is the art, and I use ‘art’ in the loosest sense of the word, of trying to make people happy so they will leave you alone. And I’m very good at politely getting people to leave me alone.
As you can see I’m not exactly dying for these sort of roles, which brings me back to my earlier point about self sabotage. I don’t know if I’ve made this obvious yet, but I can be quite outspoken. And this has scuttled many of my job applications, for instance I had an interview with a rather large recruitment company a few weeks back. So I passed two phone interviews, and went in for a day long assessment. Now this assessment went on for hours and hours and hours, but I made some good points, talked up my qualifications and things were going rather well. Then at one point the recruiter started telling us how important it was to double check spelling and grammar, and how vital it was that all the job specs the company advertised be absolutely perfect. So here I am listening to this, and I glance at the job specs I received for the role the self same company were assessing me for. Now, I don’t claim to be a perfect ambassador of the English language and all its whimsical nuances and cuckoo grammar, hell I’m sure I made five mistakes in this sentence alone, and 15 in this paragraph (at least), but looking at the hopelessly misspelled job specs I was holding, and listening to the head of recruitment wax lyrical about the importance of spelling, well I got an itch. Most people would have shut up, maybe joked about it to their friends later, or maybe had a giggle there and then, but oh not me. Apparently I’m a special brand of different, so I helpfully pointed out the irony of the situation to a large conference room full of stuffy suits. The journey home from that interview was one of self reflection and self admonishment let me tell you. Fortunately I’m never too hard on myself, or it could have been quite traumatic.
I wish I could say this was an isolated brain fart, but even this Wednesday I did it again. This time was at a different company, and with my need for a job a lot more pressing I put on my best suit, and took the hour long train to get to the interview. I arrived there and was ushered with many firm handshakes and many more hearty greetings into an interview room. There I had to wait for ten minutes, and as you do when waiting, I started examining the room. One of the walls had been covered in famous and inspirational citations by famous people on success. Oh you had your usual famous suspects:
“If you can dream it, you can do it”
“The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential… These are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence”
Yes truly inspiring
“You have to learn the rules of the game. And then you have to play better than anyone else”
Yup you can’t go wrong with good old Einstein
“The secret of getting ahead is getting started”
Oh that sounds exactly like the sort of thing an Aunt might put on Facebook
“The day you take complete responsibility for yourself, the day you stop making any excuses, that’s the day you start to the top.”
I had to double check I had read that right, but yup that’s the same murdering O.J Simpson, also of publishing fame:
For those of you not familiar with O.J Simpson he murdered a couple of people, was found innocent at trial, then published a book called ‘(If) I did it’ about how he would have committed the murders he totally didn’t commit for serious guys. Say what you will about the guy, but he had some
balls nerve. (in the interest of humanity I am happy to say Simpson was eventually arrested for the crime.)
So there I am sitting in this interviewing room confronted by this quote, and for some bizarre reason its all I can think of now. So in comes the interviewer, and we have the usual interviewing process:
Interviewer: “Welcome Mr *Blogs! Happy to meet you! I hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long?”
(*Blogs: I have to refer to myself by something)
Mr Blogs: “Oh not at all, I’m very happy to be here Mr Interviewer!” say why do you have a quote by a murderer on your wall?
So this went on for a while
Interviewer: “Mr Blogs can you tell us what you think you can bring to this role?”
Mr Blogs: “As you can see from my CV I have lots of relevant experience, and you can see from my education that I have done lots of relevant studies, including recently completing my Masters from a famous London University” He killed his wife do you realize that? I know it’s a cutthroat job market, but seriously?
Interviewer: “I see that’s all really great, and it all looks great, but were just a little concerned about your age and lack of experience.”
Mr Blogs: “Yes well, as I said I have quite a bit of experience which is perfectly relevant to this role, even if it comes from different roles, and I have a real can do attitude and learn very quickly, also did I mention I just got a masters in a relevant field for this role.” Oh please someone just acknowledge my masters is worth something I slaved for that thing! But it seems as irrelevant as a years experience working in a library as far as recruiters are concerned! Also seriously the murderer on your wall? Did you guys just get an intern to Google search some quotes and stick them together with no contextual research? Oh gods why am I applying for a PR job here. THEY KNOW NOTHING!
Interviewer: “Hmmmmm, yes indeed, that’s all very interesting, so what can you tell me about your hobbies?”
Mr Blogs: “Oh I love horse riding, eating crumpets while sipping tea, and rowing, (also I never waste time on YouTube or sometimes try and get out of work early to watch the Football)” I bet you guys don’t know who O.J Simpson is in the UK. That must be it, or you put it up before you realized and now you’re hoping no one notices because its too much trouble to take the whole thing down and Dave the intern probably spent all afternoon Googling those quotes and you don’t want to hurt his feelings.
Interviewer: “I see, splendid, spiffing marvelous, well I say that’s most interesting, so what can you tell me about your first pet? And then expand about the difference between optimistic and negative concurrency”
Mr Blogs: “Well my first pet was a cat we named Cheetah, she wasn’t a real cheetah, but she had stripes like a cheetah and even though she was grey we thought it was an apt name, also fun fact, she once flew on the back of a peacock, and negative concurrency is pessimistic and follows Murphy’s Laws, while positive concurrency is much more jovial and hopeful. Also that quote on your wall, that’s not a quote by the O.J Simpson is it?”
Mr Blogs: oh forfuckssake blogs why did you say that out loud?????
So this interview was just a few days ago, but I’m not hopeful of a callback. I’m not hopeful that they’ll clean up their wall either come to think of it.
So anyway, that more or less wraps up my first blog entry, which I have to say I quite enjoyed writing, and I hope you the readers enjoyed reading too. See you next time.